09/10/2011

Thoughts on X factor so far......

The Gorgeous Marcus, who sadly, moved like Jagger
(a) Why did they make the lovely Marcus sing the hideous "Moves like Jagger"? 

(b) why did Marcus feel the need to actually move a la Mr J? His dancing was worse than hideous. Did Gary make him do it?

(c) Why was he forced to pretend he found his female dancer sexy???? Poor thing looked completely out of his depth as one of the half naked female dancers writhed around him. Bloomin' good singer though. Perhaps next week he'll be allowed to choose something slightly less cheesy.....

Turban Sami
Transvestite Sam
(d) Why did Sammy come dressed as a transvestite? More importantly, we know she's not going to win (Micha B should, Janet D probably will), so why couldn't Goldie have stayed in the contest?  Goldie would have been much more fun. Sami is a bloomin' good singer too though. Perhaps next week, she'll be allowed to wear that awful turban she had on in boot camp. THAT was funny...

(e) Why was Johnny wrapped in Bacofoil? 

(f) Kitty? Why? Just Why? Louis said her performance was 'captivating'. He failed to mention that it was also hideously out of tune and that she looked criminally insane throughout. (This years Aiden the axe murderer possibly? Kitty the Killer?)

(g) Matt Cardle still appears to be a stranger to soap, water and all products created by Gillette. I found that I still wanted to 'run for my life' when he started singing. Can I have the Yeo Valley boyband now please? (More on them later...)

(h) Dependable old Louis clearly has no plans to disappoint us this year. He has already used the phrases: "Diva in the making" and "I believed every word". He has also started comparing the contestants to "random celebs he knows".  None of them current, which I guess is to be expected given he must be way past his three score and ten by now...Unfortunately for him, there are quite a few black celebs this year and he already used the Lenny Henry card on Piage/Piaje/Page last year. This year, he may be forced to resort to the only other black (and once famous),  person he knows, Paul Robeson. Louis also felt it necessary to point out to 2 Shoes that they 'could sing'. Naturally, they faced the axe tonight, people who can sing have no place in this show...Luckily for Micha, people were so distracted by the fact that she was dressed as a budget version of the Queen of Hearts (and possibly trying to read the newspaper she was dressed in),  they didn't notice that she actually has a great voice.

Apparently it was custom made...

(i) Not so for poor Amelia Lily. Not to be outdone by Dr Conrad, Amelia Lilly also decided to (allegedly...) murder Michael Jackson this week, via a hideous rendition of Billy Jean. Frankly, it seemed an odd thing for a 16 year old girl to be singing anyway. Sadly for her, it resulted in her early and (in my view) untimely demise. Kelly should be sent home, she chose the song. Poor Amelia Lilly was robbed.

(j) I realise that I'm not his target demographic, but am I the only one that doesn't get Frankie? Since the infamous 'buttock reveal' during the auditions, he's gone downhill fast for me. Can he actually sing? It sounded to me like he was talking, in a faux cockney accent, whilst in the midst of an asthma attack. Plus, he also looks as if he is being slowly suffocated by all of that hair.

Kitty - Why?
(k) The groups were all alright, the 'super group' (i.e. one quite good group and another mediocre hastily formed group, spliced together) being the best. The girls, seemed strangely pleased to be told that they were the best girl band ever on the X Factor. Have they never watched the show? That is so, NOT a compliment... Also, is it just me, or is one of them missing a chin?

(l) Why does Craig keep making that stupid "I'm struggling with a particularly difficult poo here" face when he sings?

(m) Why did Kelly keep calling the girls 'Mama' and insisting people were 'throwing it down'?  Am I alone in finding that desperately annoying? Also, why did she look like she wanted to rip Louis' heart out when he compared Micha to her? (After all, she's probably the only black female celeb, aside from Billy Holiday, the he knows. Largely because she was sitting next to him but...)

Micha to win
(n) In summary,  Micha (minus the dress made of newspaper and the Yorkshire pud on her head) to win. If not her, then The Risk (but only because the Yeo Valley boy band is officially out of the running). The stylist must be sacked immediately, the vast majority of the contestants looked MUCH worse post the makeovers. (Aren't these people supposed to be experts???) Finally, Kitty the Killer to go, as soon as possible.
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Yeo Valley boy band now - Just because :-)


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