Apprentice 2011 starts tonight and...

… I am BEYOND excited!!! Can't wait to get home to watch it tonight. I will confess to having been a tad worried that the new format Apprentice would be boring. My apprehension being caused by: LudAllen's toned down behaviour in the last series, (seriously LudAllen needs to step up big time, we need 'Villages missing their idiots' or I will be forced to have words….); the fact that this year’s search is for a partner as opposed to an Apprentice. In my naiveté, I honestly believed that the new requirement would lead to an upgrade in the quality of candidate and a serious competition. What was I thinking???? I owe the producers a huge apology for thinking they would go down that road. No, the producers in their infinite wisdom have done the right thing and gone for the usual crop of numpties. So 16 weeks of comedy it is then, heaven!!

Stuart ‘the Brand’ obviously isn’t having as much success in business as he would have us believe (quelle surpris!) and has been hawking himself about, making facetious comments about this years group at every available opportunity. He has also, kindly, offered us his insights into how to succeed in business in the Guardian. Have a quick read, it demonstrates why he needs income form his newspaper articles. He genuinely has no clue…. My favourite tip “Dress to impress, but don't be afraid to innovate Perhaps wear a colourful Christmas tie in July. Show those office drones you understand fashion by grabbing it by the balls and twisting hard”. I’m almost sad he hasn’t been invited back…

Vincent Disneur
I said almost though as my early view of the contestants revealed that we probably have a more than a couple of contenders for Stu’s crown. Starting with my favourites:

Vincent Disneur - who if the oddly thin tache is anything to go by has obviously modelled himself on his name sake Vincent Price – but strangely, insists that he knows he’s good looking and a ‘bit of a show off. Bearing in mind that he also says he’s ‘best of breed’ – seriously, watch the audition tape, it’s priceless – perhaps he means good looking in comparison to an Afghan?
Alex Bitez Cabral

Alex Bitez Cabral who has committed the dual crime of having a pointlessly double barrelled surname and being an estate agent…Alex, like Felicity has memorised all the buzz word from previously seasons and his resultant description if himself literally utilises all of them…’ambitious, driven and extremely focused…relentless.’ (He forgot ‘with a face like a slapped arse’ – see pic below…) Apparently, he isn’t frightened of making enemies and has no problem being unpopular – which is a good thing as I suspect he will be. Alex, could possibly move up to the position of favourite on the grounds that he comes across as a right knob in his audition tape.

Felicity Jackson
Couple more deserve a mention: Felicity Jackson, who ‘worked in hairdressers as a teenager before becoming a trained actress’. Oh and she’s ‘an avid fan of soaps’, so supremely qualified for this show then…She’s clearly watched all the previous series and not learned a thing as she uses the word ‘passionate’ to describe herself and she apparently always gives 110% to all the companies she works for (grrrrrrrrrrrrrr). Yes, we already have her card marked………

Then we have Glenn Ward whose audition tape includes the statement “…to be honest... I am pretty great”. Need I say more? Probably not, but I will… I predict that everyone in the house will hate him, basis his plan to make friends with everyone and to paraphrase him ‘drop them like stones’
Glenn Ward

I shouldn’t show favouritism at this stage of the contest, so in the interests of fairness, I should point out that the vast majority of the candidate show some comedy potential. To view all of them follow the link... http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/series7/candidates.shtml

Roll on tonight!!

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