Right then, so what are we going to watch in 2011?

First up I believe is Dancing on Ice, which starts tonight. The usual crop of Z listers (including of course, Kerry Katona, who certainly scrubs up well!) with a couple of surprises, notably Vanilla Ice! Does this mean he’s planning a come back? I sincerely hope not, he was bad enough the first time around…

The show appears to have shed a couple of judges, but sadly Emma Bunton isn’t one of them, so she’ll be back adding nothing constructive to the mix.

America’s Next Top Model (don’t even bother to protest, I KNOW you all watch it). 16 of the stupidest women in the US led by , the equally silly, Tyra, who if she was a man, would be a combination of Louie Spence and Lily Savage. “Smize” everyone….. All trying to convince us that standing around in expensive clothes, in fabulous locations getting your picture taken is really hard work. Yeah right…the real reason I watch it, is because you know that if you put that many women in one house for any length of time, the cat fighting will kick off. Series after series, irrespective of country, I am not disappointed. Anyway, ANTM starts today at 5pm on living - it's already series linked on Sky in my house!! The British version is on in the Summer. 

Not Reality TV, but looks like it will be fun, Episodes, spoof TV show with Matt LeBlanc (Joey from friends). Basically he's playing himself, having trouble being cast as anyone other than Joey from friends. It also includes an English husband and wife script writing team who are exasperated by a studios attempt to 'Americanize ' their already successful UK script. It's a joint 'Showtime'/BBC production, so good pedigree, plus Richard Griffiths is in it and I think he's hilarious. Starts tomorrow 10pm on BBC2.


The other show of note, which is probably only going to be interesting to me (!) is the Biggest Loser UK, which is apparently being revamped and will be presented by Davina. (You didn’t think the end of Big Brother would see her demise did you?) As I think I’ve mentioned before, I am obsessed with US version of the show and have recently been watching the Aussie version. (Which I don’t mind admitting, surprised me as I’d always imagined them to be svelte outdoorsy types. Turns out they like Burgers just as much as the rest of us). The UK version always paled in comparison to both, the setting being less exciting, the trainers not as tough and the prize not as life changing. A budget version of the others basically. Apparently it starts tomorrow (Jan 10) 9pm on ITV 1. I’ll be interested to see how it all pans out. 

American Idol starts at the end of this month. For those of you who are regular viewers, the judging panel has been revamped and now includes J-lo and Steve Tyler as well as old faithful, Randy Jackson (Dawg). Apparently J-Lo is the ‘evil judge’ i.e. the Cowell replacement. Mr Cowell’s has moved on to his latest creation X-Factor US. If rumours are true, it might not even happen as Cowell is arguing with bosses about the appointment of a certain Ms Cole. I’m sceptical, as his $35m sponsorship deal with Pepsi has already been announced. It’ll happen Cole or no Cole. X Factor US starts in the autumn. I’ll be watching both!

We have The Apprentice of course, the format of which is rumoured to have changed for the better. LudAllen is dispensing with the whole "Apprentice' smokescreen and is searching for a partner that he can fund to the tune of £250,000 (I am scrambling to think up ideas for a business as we speak!). Presumably that will mean a different quality of candidate as well. We can but hope…!!! Still waiting for specific dates, but it is airing in spring, March if previous years are anything to go by, so not long to wait. (The Junior Apprentice, which I'll have to be honest, I wasn't overly impressed with, is also coming back post the grown up version. Actually there was one bit I liked, there was a very arrogant young lady Zoe on last years show, who whilst getting ready one morning announced that "It's important to look good all the time. No one wants to do business with and ugly person do they?" A Stuart Baggsess in the making! She also managed to tease out a reasonable LudAllenism when they did a Cheese selling task, so has to get Brownie points for that: "So it’s true, Cheese does give you nightmares. It’s certainly working here.  And I’ve not even been to sleep'!!)

Britain’s Got Talent will also be back in the spring, with the addition of the Hoff and Michael McIntyre to the judging panel. The former is an old hand, having been a presenter on the US version for a while. As much as I love Michael McIntyre, I’m not sure I understand the rationale behind that appointment…. I am only a recent convert to that show, having joined in the last couple of series and I may be the only person in Britain who feels this way but I quite liked Piers Morgan. I thought his comments for the most part were constructive and he seemed to win Simon up. Win, win! (Side not: I am deeply unimpressed with Piers Morgan’s Life Stories – his hour long interviews with specific celebs. I always get the feeling that the celebs get the questions well in advance and some, not all, have well rehearsed responses. Yes, yes, I know they get briefed on advance of most if not all encounters with the media, but for me this seems a lot more staged). Any show that brought DJ Talent  to the world is a winner in my eyes!

The Only Way Is Essex returns for Series 2. Already whipping up tabloid headlines on the back of the Essexmas Episode (and the fact that the girls regularly appear in public with little on…) we are also given to believe that the characters don’t get paid and have been demanding some compensation. That’s right, I said ‘they don’t get paid’!!!! So basically, they have allowed themselves to be humiliated in public for free. They are even sillier than I thought…. That said I’ll still be watching, I was ‘converted’ by the Essexmas episode (a damning indictment of my personality I think...) Not sure when it starts, but I think it’s later in the year.

Finally, Master Chef, which we all secretly love, but for some reason only discuss furtively in corridors at work. Why do we think that is? Is it because it’s supremely silly to sit there watching people race to cook stuff that you can’t smell or taste and have to rely on two random people to tell you whether it’s nice or not? I always have big plans to try out some of the more interesting recipes, I sometimes even google the recipes in an attempt to fool myself that I might actually do it. Instead, I make toast and watch the Biggest Loser….

Then there’s the rest – Got to Dance (also a Davina vehicle), which is on now and is actually quite good, if you haven’t seen it. Xfactor UK, I’m a Celeb; Pineapple Dance Studios - which I thought was a spoof when I first saw it. Now that I know Louis Spence, Starman and Tricia Walsh Smith are real, I am a devotee!!

Then of course we have all of the variations of the above from the US, Australia etc. We are going to be very busy this year people, very busy…

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