30/12/2010

Top 5 (well 6 actually) reality TV characters in 2010

With 2011 almost upon us, I thought it was the right time to say goodbye to 2010 and all the reality TV characters that made us laugh.  So my top 6 reality TV characters (tried to make it 5, but couldn’t leave any of these people out!):

6: Mark Wright – Mark helped us to determine that the only way is definitely not Essex. In fact, he is the poster boy for not going anywhere near Essex, ever, in your entire life. (Especially if you are an intellectually challenged, vaguely good looking girl/woman between the ages of 19 and 24). Mark is basically an arrogant, two timing (actually three timing), ignorant rat. That said, the show (which after the Essexmas special, I’ll have to admit, I am now a fan of) would be considerably less interesting without him. “Marge’s” bromance being one of the high points so far for me. Roll on the new series in 2011.

5: Gillian McKeith – Surely the definition of ‘Drama Queen’. Apparently she came to the Jungle because she needed the money, despite being scared of absolutely everything (she only stopped short of claiming to be scared of air!). She whinged and moaned, pretended to faint and for her pains was made to do trial after trail. (The British public are so cruel, bruh-ha-ha-ha). Her piéce de résistance was claiming to be pregnant at 51!!!! Gillian, as per the joke that has been doing the rounds, also gives females across the land a perfect reason, NOT to worry about pigging out over the festive season. She has to get some credit for that!

This woman (Gillian) is 51.
She is a TV “health guru” advocating a holistic approach to nutrition and ill health. Promoting exercise and a pescetarian diet high in organic fruits and vegetables.  She recommends detox diets, colonic irrigation and supplements, also making statements that yeast is harmful, that the colour of food is nutritionally significant, and about the utility of lingual and faecal examination.


This woman (Nigella) is 50.
She is a TV cook, who eats nothing but meat, butter and deserts.
So forget “join a gym and eat more celery”. This Christmas, it's food and booze all the way. And the only exercise you need is dancing and s*x.


Hands up if you’ll be pigging out from now on?!!

She had some tough competition as Shaun Ryder and Dom Joly were in the jungle with her, both of them were hilarious. My favourite bit (and to be fair I didn’t watch a lot of it, but how could this possibly have been bettered?) was the following exchange on the subject of Gillian:
Shaun Ryder: "She looks like she's been dead about 3 years".
Dom Joly: "She looks like she was exhumed for this show".
I also loved the following comments post Gillian's infamous fainting episode:

Dom Joly: "I smell Baftas for that faint, I really do."
Shaun Ryder: "If that was real, so are my teeth."
Dom Joly: "We get 12 meals and Gillian gets an Academy Award." 
Finally, Dom on Kayla Collins (the playboy girl) "She couldn't investigate her way out of a paper bag." (mmmm, perhaps I saw more of it than I thought…) His summing up of his experience is hilarious. Actually maybe Dom Joly should be my number 5....

4: Ann Widdecombe – Possibly the only celebrity who managed not to learn a single dance step throughout her tenure on ‘Strictly Come Dancing’. Strictly’s version of Wagner (more on him shortly), the public just kept voting her back in. This despite the fact that she was consistently rude to the judges, ignored Anton’s instructions and (lest we forget), has some of the dodgiest political views since Genghis Khan. (Let me introduce her defense of ‘shackling of female prisoners whilst they give birth’ as an example). The fact of the matter is that Ann’s ‘dancing’ and Anton’s inspired routines were probably some of the most entertaining spectacles on TV all year!

3: Wagner Carilho – he couldn’t sing, he couldn’t dance, for the most part he looked ridiculous, but we loved him and kept voting him in, (much to Cowell’s annoyance), week after week after week!! Whilst the Wagner vote was initially a ‘rage against the machine’esq’ attempt to knobble Syco’s dominance of the Christmas chart, I truly believe that the public fell in love with the bumbling Brazilian. Wagner came out on stage, week after week, singing his heart out and behaving like a true gentleman against a barrage of criticism  (some of it from Cole...).  He also, in response to booing from the audience, uttered the immortal words:

"A soldier like a samurai is always ready for the worst"
"I am with God so who is against me?"
The Wagster 21 Nov 2010
If it wasn’t for the fact that nobody could top my number two for sheer comedy genius, the Wagster would have got that spot

2: Karl Pilkington – To an extent, we already knew Karl was a genius from the podcasts with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, but I don’t think anyone was prepared for just how funny he would be in the flesh. Whilst I found Gervais intensely irritating and condescending, to the point of utter rudeness, throughout the whole thing, I do have to thank him for coming up with the idea. Genius! ‘An Idiot Abroad’ was literally the funniest thing on TV this year, if not for the last few years. I struggle to pick a favourite episode, but if pushed, it might be a toss up between Mexico and Peru. If you’ve not seen it (where have you been for the last few months???), it is ‘Must see TV’ as they say in the U.S. Karl indicated on various interviews that he wouldn’t be doing another one because he ‘ated it’. I think he owes the world another series and the campaign for Karl’s returns to our screens starts here!

1: Who else could it be but the Bagster??!! Yes, my number 1 reality TV character this year was Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’.  That young man made the last couple of months of TV in 2010 so much more interesting than it would otherwise have been. His supreme arrogance and yet incredible stupidity, his cunning and his jaunty turn of phrase kept us in stitches. TV Gold really!! In years to come clips of Stuart offering ladies and gentleman the opportunity to come and see "my jellied eels" will still be around to haunt him. I don’t think there will ever be a time when I won’t find him reigning in his “extreme masculinity” hysterically funny! He was also responsible for causing LudAllen to admit to some fallibility, which has to earn him mucho brownie points. I’m certain THAT hasn’t happened before. Finally, as he admitted on his ‘You’ve been fired’ show that he is "still a bit of a c@ck", I suspect/hope that this won’t be the last we hear of young Stu.


Other Random unrelated stuff anyone?

Best purchase I made this year? – (Apart from the entire Links catalogue?) More Apple paraphernalia I’m afraid. Got the iPad when it first came out, which if I’m honest is a shocking waste of money as it’s just a big iPhone. Whatever, it looks cool and even my Grandma can use it!!! I also got the new Apple TV (even though I have the old Apple TV…) because it’s cheap and I can use it in another room. (Ok, just because I wanted it and as my sister pointed out on facebook today: Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination...)

Best Movie this year for me was Inception (the lovely Leonardo always selects excellent projects – Shutter Island was amazing too). A close second was The ‘Secret in their eyes’ an Argentinean film that if you haven’t seen, you really must. Movies I didn’t see, but MUST before the 2011 round kicks off: Biutiful (with Javier Bardem supposed to be really good); Black Swan with Natalie Portman; The Kings Speech with Colin Firth, just because he’s in it (oh and it got good reviews); The latest Harry Potter, just because.

Albums/songs that I listened to the most this year is a true reflection of how old, yet at the same time immature, I am…. Michael Bublé - Crazy love; Amy Whinehouse - Back to Black; Blondie - Greatest Hits; Abba Gold; Gyptian - Hold Yuh; Maxwell - Pretty Wings; Alicia Keys - Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart; Alex Wilson - Tell me How it Feels; Loads of Stuff by Etta James; Owl City - Fireflies ; Tinie Tempah - Pass Out; Usher Raymond - Lil Freak. Actually that list makes me look insane, what can I say?

Finally, Arsenal are 3rd in the Premier league as I write and I am hopeful that we will have our first Championship win for, well, bl@@dy ages this season. (I say that despite their dire performance against Wigan last night….Oh well, we beat Chelsea on Monday, which of course is the main thing!!)

Hope you all had a brilliant Christmas and I wish everyone a very Happy New Year!!!!

2 comments:

  1. Gillian did make for great TV, obnoxious though she was. Ditto Stuart. But Shaun Ryder was a total legend for me - what a guy!

    The iPad is brilliant - even with an iPhone alongside it, I couldn't live without mine any more.

    Finally, a good win for Arsenal tonight! :-)

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  2. Agreed, Shaun Ryder is very cool, but for comedy value, it had to be Stu.

    Didn't realise you are a Gooner (never looked at the Sport section of your blog before). I think 2011 will be our year :-)

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