20/12/2010

Best Quotes from The Apprentice 2010

One person dominates - yes, you've guessed it - Stuart Baggs "The Brand'!! He may have been an annoying little shit, but no one can deny that he was good value. This series would have been considerably poorer without him. The Producers are a canny lot, keeping him in for as long as they did.... Enjoy!


“Everything I touch turns to sold” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
“I am Stuart Baggs the Brand. I have a certain kind of Charisma”
“My first word wasn’t mummy, it was money”, Shibby the Surgeon
Chris the investment banker insisted that he is "...supremely intelligent in business, I am a very charismatic individual".
"Even though I've only known you all for 2 minutes, I can already tell that failure is not an option for you all". Laura (aka Verrucca) to the girls in the first task
"I'll lead the team, you'll do all the work". Dan (aka Paul Pot)
“Excuse me Sir, you look like a sausage connoisseur." Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
Melissa (aka Lookey-Likey) on fellow Apprentice Joanna Riley: “I find it very difficult to conversate with her”
On doing business: “There’s no room for manoevrement” Melissa (aka Lookey-Likey)
"First impressions? Knob" Shibby the Surgeon on Dan (aka Paul Pot)
LudAllen’s response to Stuart Baggs 'The Brand's promise  to deliver is  £100k ten times over or give him his money back. "I had an offer like that from Nigeria once. They didn't deliver either"!!!
“I keep hearing a lot of hot air coming out of your mouth, so in the interests of climate change shut up”, LudAllen (aka Lord Sugar)
“Who is doing the Mincing?”, Dan (aka Paul Pot)
"I'm sure people come into your store and say: "have you got anything that I can rest my book on?"". Melissa (aka Lookey-Likey)
"You've got to earn respect. People are starting to see, when I open my mouth, I have to say something". Jamie (aka Forrest)
“You’ve heard of Bread winner, I’m looking at 6 Bread losers”?!!; “You delivered him 16 rolls out of a 1,000. Reminiscent of feeding the 5,000….Where were the 2 fish?”! LudAllen
“After a thorough examination, I have got some bad news for you” LudAllen when firing Shibby the Surgeon.
“It’s a science museum. It’s either going to be something to do with science or…museums?” Jamie (aka Forrest)
“You remind me of one of those knock-off DVDs. At first glance quite convincing, but afterwards you’re just impossible to follow” LudAllen
Some people have set out to get me, and they've succeeded. Karmically, they will be retributed. The universe speaks louder than I do”  Lookey Likely
Alex (the unemployed communications manager) becoming a tad excited when brainstorming how to get people into their shop in Manchester. "Creating a hive of honey... getting people to the Honey Pot…It’s a hive of seduction" What????
Jamie (aka Forrest): "I'm not a big knowledge of Manchester" he said, "but every time I go up there I always just feel like I've gone back a couple of years on London.... I don't want to offend the Mancunians, but they're always a step behind Londoners…No, no, you go to clubs in Manchester, you still have to wear shoes".
"If I were an Apple pie, the Apples inside would be Orange" Alex (the unemployed communications manager)
“Asta la vista Gravy”, Stuart Baggs 'The Brand'
"The Titanic won 12 Oscars, but it wasn't a good advert for cruising was it?" LudAllen
“Pinewood Studios? I’m pretty sure that’s a furniture store” Sandeesh
“I have to reign in my own Extreme masculinity in this task” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’


"I want your opinion, I don't want to hear what you have to say, yes or no?” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
“Lord Sugar said I do naff all. I don’t agree with that.” Sandeesh
Laura (aka Verrucca) to a customer buying a DVD: “Sorry if you saw that price written somewhere, but the price is higher”. Customer: “I saw the price written on the receipt”
"That's the German flag, with an eagle on it" Jamie (aka Forrest)
Chris explaining to Ludallen why he wasn’t a loser, despite always being on the losing team: "I'm not a loser, I mean I obviously am in terms of the numbers you have...but I've been unlucky".
"I am trying to remember in my brain" Jamie (aka Forrest)
“What did we buy…? Plates, Necklace. It’s like the generation game!” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
"I'm like the office IT geek with a bit of a personality...I've managed to get myself a girlfriend which makes me different from the other IT geeks out there." Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
“Come on Ladies and Gentlemen, fancy a taste of my jellied eels?” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
'Whilst I am arrogant, it's more of an arrogance light. So all the full fat taste and half the calories” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’


“How good are we, that even when we’re shit, we still win?” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
“It’s like walking into a room full of knives, blindfolded. Then see how badly injured you get” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
“I feel very passionate about the whole cockney thing” Stella (aka Mini Pot)
Straight ahead of you we've got Big Ben. The face of the clock is twenty diameters in width.” Jamie (aka Forrest)
On our left is the River Thames. It's the second largest river in London” Jamie (aka Forrest)
“You see the building that looks like a Gherkin. It’s called the Gherkin.” Jamie (aka Forrest)
“I’m not a one trick pony. I’m not a 10 trick pony. I've got a field of ponies waiting to literally run towards this” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
“I like that you believe in yourself. But it wasn’t long ago that you believed in the tooth fairy” LudAllen to Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
“You’ve got to show you’ve got the balls and you’ve got the minerals to do it.” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
“You say you’re special candidate and an all around gifted guy...yet you quit your law degree to do Politics and Investment Studies. You got a job in an Investment bank and you quit after 9 months. To me you seem like a quitter.” Claude on Chris the boring Investment Banker
Jamie (aka Forrest): “I am a key cog in a wheel.” Margaret Mountford: “In any wheel?” Jamie: “I’m a key cog.” Margaret Mountford: “That doesn’t make any sense does it?”
“In my head, even as we speak right now, I have hundreds of ideas in my head.” Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’
“What you say has to tally with your application form.” A surprised Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’  
Margaret Mountford on Chris the boring Investment Bankers claim to be a ‘revered theology scholar’ (he has an ‘A’ level..)’: “Do you know what ‘revered’ means?

Claude Littner reading Stuart's CV: "I'm Stuart Baggs The Brand. What on earth are you talking about? You're a 21-year-old kid. You're not a brand."
Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’: "Well if you look at what a brand means..."
Claude Littner: "Don't tell me what a brand means, OK. You're not a brand."
Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’: "I think I might be."

Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’: “I’m a big fish in a small pond”.
Claude Littner "You're not a big fish. You're not a big fish. You're not even a fish"


Stuart on being rumbled re the status of his company: “It’s a telecoms company in my mind,”
Bordon: “That may be the Trigger, ‘in your mind’...”


Margaret on Chris the boring Investment Banker : "I wouldn’t be surprised if he has all his certificates framed and his idea of a fun night in is to sit and stare at them”
Claude Littner on Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand. “He's a maverick, a dreamer, though of course he says never sleeps.”
Ludallen on firing Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’: “The thing is, my four advisers said to me that you're full of shit”
“I didn't completely change, I’m still a little bit of a cock” Stuart Baggs the Brand on his ‘You’ve been fired’ show


An finally... Quote from Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’ in response to some of the comments posted on the web about him.

"The majority were very unpleasant. The only saving grace is I imagine these people to be some fat bastard sitting in front of the telly, covered in Jaffa Cake crumbs and eating week-old food out of their belly-buttons." So that's told us then!! (Full article on digital spy)

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