06/11/2010

Karl's last location - Peru

I can't believe it's almost over. I am going to have to work out where I get my Karl fix going forward. I've read the book now, so can't get it that way - I may have to watch it all over again.

So Karl was in Peru, going to see Machu Picchu, his final 'wonder'.  His main concern was how he was going to g to the toilet, given his experiences in the other countries. So he made a toilet out of a deck chair!!! It had a hole in the seat, reinforced by strips of tape and "I'll put me toilet roll in the drinks 'older"!

His view on the Pilot of the small aircraft he was on for an internal flight within Peru: "I think that's why they have doors on planes, it's nothing to do with security. It's so you can't see the div who's driving it. "
The Pilot's name was George, which apparently was also a problem. Pilots are supposed to have posh surnames, "you never 'ear them come on and say: alright? George 'ere".

He was sent via the jungle and he was not happy.... The camera man asked if he'd ever been to the Jungle. "No, I 'aven't, but then why would I?...I've never watched Tarzan an' thought, oooh, I'd like to go there on 'oliday"

Made to sleep in the heart of the Amazon jungle overnight, he decided that what he should really be doing is:  "Like Attenborough does, 'ee's got it right...He does a little thing at the start going 'here I am in the Amazon'. You never see him again, it's all voice over. I bet he lands and goes "keep that f@ckin' plane engine running, here I am in the Amazon', then he fucks off back... home to the studio. 'Here I am with a Frog'. Where? You never see him with a Frog in his hand...he's at home".  Cut to him sitting on his homemade toilet/deck chair in semi darkness: "I'm sat, in a toilet that I've made, that I know.. I'll be sat 'ere later, 'aving a sh*t, thinking what am I doing? What AM I doing?" This is probably the funniest episode of the whole series!

Next morning, even unhappier than the night before he indicates how much he dislikes the place and why he can't stay another night: "2 o'clock in the morning, I'm p*ssing into an Evian bottle, this wasn't the plan...Nothing makes sense in 'ere." He pulls a, almost empty, small bottle of water out of his bag: "Now that's how much water I 'ad last night". Reaches into his bag again and pulls out a fairly large bottle of wee: "So how do I manage to p*ss that much? It doesn't add up.." Whilst empty the bottle: "I know I'm not that old yet, but I reckon this is the lowest point of my life".

How will I live without this show?!!!!!

On his visit to an Amazonian tribe: "...what does he mean they USED to be Cannibals?....What are the doing now then?... What happens if like, I'm like a rare delicacy that triggers something off?"

A tribes woman starts unbuttoning his jacket (as a prelude to his dressing in their local costume) "Is this for the hunting or is she just a little bit forward?"

On the lack of air at altitude (in Cusco):  "...there's 30% less oxygen...they don't tell you that, see the wonder and then die...I mean, I know the wonder is supposed to take your breath away, but not like this".

A local medicine man "blessed" him with the aid of a Guinea Pig, pre his walk along the Inca trail. The medicine man indicated that all the bad inside him was transferred to the Guinea Pig. "So somewhere", said Karl, "there's a Guinea Pig walking around with major sh*ts"

On refusing to walk to the 'wonder': "I'll just do a David Attenborough job on it when I get home..."

If you haven't already seen it, you MUST watch the deleted scenes An Idiot Abroad: Peru: Deleted Scenes

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