"I don't know where the line is between insects and food. I mean when she wakes up in the morning and sees a spider in the bath. Does she think, I'll have that now, I'll leave the croissant until tomorrow." Hilarious!!!!!!
"Its weird cause whenever you buy stuff like a toilet roll holders and stuff it says made in China, why don't they use them then?"!!!! Bloke with toilet seat walks past him, "Everyone walking past knows he's gonna have a sh@t at some point today. I wouldn't like that."
"Its not the great wall. Its an alright wall, its the alright wall of China"!!!!
"You don't know me very well, but I know you know I don't like Toad. I've never said to you, I fancy a bit of Toad"!!
On why it might be a good idea if you're a bit older to work on your own coffin. "Bit of a project isn't it. When you get to a certain age...you need a bit of a project to keep you going... When you go to bed at night you'd think: Oh, coffin needs to be varnished, I'll sort that out tomorrow"
Views on the Shaolin Master he meets: "He loves giving pain out. He's not a Buddhist is he? He's a lunatic"
During a Kung Fu lesson: "I'm not cut out for Kung Fung I know that much". Later in the evening post the Kung Fu lesson: " That shouldn't hurt should it? Just having a cup of tea"
On traditional Chinese Massage: "I've seen massages on the telly you don't normally need to have a fire extinguisher on standby" When the timer went off to signify the end of the session: "What was that bleeping sound? Fire alarm?"
"There's this saying by this Mao fella: "A Toad in a well only gets to see some of the sky". Mao's saying if u get out of the well it's a good thing, but I'd say it isn't...all you'd see is more pollution....Definitely if you're a Toad, I wouldn't get out of any well 'ere.. 'Cause they'd grab you and cut off your 'ead and eat ya"
Karl Pilkington is a comedy genius!! (Url to excerpts from his diary http://sky1.sky.com/an-idiot-abroad-karls-travel-diaries-china)