X Factor - It's a hard knock life, for us....

Cher, straight from the mean streets of Worcestershire, decided to sing a song (very badly) that spoke to her life experience.  It’s a hard knock life, living with your happily married parents and siblings in a suburban semi.... I am confused as to the significance of the grimacing and growling at the end of her performance. Apparently the judges weren’t because they all thought she was great. They loved her "attitude and swagger" and she was (you guessed it) current..... Simon revealed a previously undocumented skill tonight, stating that in Cher,  “I see the future”. Presumably one where everyone stops watching the show as he keeps supporting the progression of this type of drivel.  According to Cheryl she “looks like a pop star, acts like a pop star, sounds like a pop star” and etc.  I thought she looked some sort of hideous parody of an 80's American rapper, who actually did have a hard knock life. (Was Vanilla Ice  80’s or 90’s? Wait,  wasn’t he middle class? So he didn’t have a hard knock life either. Daddy Snow?  Don’t worry,  you’re not the only one who has no idea who he is – if there is any justice in the world Cher will fade into obscurity as quickly. … Side note: I just looked up Daddy Snow on YouTube  - he was truly awful and yet,  still better than Cher … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBEOyuTOxx8)

If I had my way,  Cher would so be gone next week. Sadly, a number of the other contestants are conspiring to ensure I don’t get my wish. Storm  - contender for worst vocal of the evening, followed very closely by Aiden, who is clearly in the advanced stages of cold turkey  (which can be the only explanation for  all the twitching and shaking during his performance) was worse than awful. Not sure what Louis was listening to, even Aiden agreed his performance "was a bit rubbish".  “A bit rubbish”? I beg to differ…more importantly though, he’s proper weird. Aiden needn’t worry about going next week whilst Wagner is still around. “I always knew I was a bit mad”,  he said “I just didn't know how mad”- as expected, he was terrible, terrible, terrible. (Who is styling these people? No shirt and girlie necklace /earring combo – I don’t understand.  Also, how many more times will we have to suffer the indignity of watching the backing dancers fondle themselves before the watershed?  If Wagner is still in next week, I suspect it will be at least 3…)
Wagner, followed by Katie the transvestite was bad planning on the part of the schedulers – I almost walked out in disgust until I realised she was about to murder one of the fabulous Etta James’ songs (and a personal favourite of mine at that).  Luckily,  there were no stray feathers around to knock me down -  The song was far too big for her, but at points, she was actually OK!!!!  (Don’t worry I am not going soft, I still want her out).  Matt’s verses were out of tune and he shouted his way through the chorus. As for the much anticipated high C, I am still clearing up shattered glass from around my house. Oh and somebody give the man back his lumberjack shirt and hat please, he looked so uncomfortable in that suit. I wasn’t desperately impressed with any of the groups tonight,  (though Diva fever are fun!)

Am liking John more and more, last week he was quietly competent. He also, seems like such a sweet bloke. When I heard he was doing the Donny Hathaway. I was scared for him (Mr Hathaway is a superstar and that song is one of his most famous). John did a really nice job!!! He'd better be there next week. Tracey was good as usual - great voice, one of the best in the contest and she looked nice tonight.  Not sure why she felt the need to mess with a Prince song though – I’m just not a huge fan for some reason...

Best performances of the evening? Rebecca, amazing as always though I am not sure about tonight’s outfit/lippy combo. (A bit baddie from a “B” movie set in outer space - luckily she is beautiful and can carry it off...).  Marvellous Mary knocked it out of the park as usual, and might just win. Paije Richardson is a great singer - but sorry Page (I’m sure that’s how it appears on your birth certificate), not a pop star. I have no idea who’ll go tomorrow – the whole thing was so weird tonight, it's anybody’s game.

Can we just take a moment to discuss the vocal coach's hair..... Can't they allow him to make use of one of the stylists on the show (though given that they are the people responsible for Cher and Wagner’s outfits, that might not be one of my better ideas)? It was crazy and seemed to change every time you saw him. Blond page boy (with black 12 o'clock shadow - too much hair to be 6 o’clock) potentially to blend in with crazy Wagner’s hair. Dark “yogi bear”esq do when working with Belle Amie. My favourite was the hat, where you couldn't see his hair at all. He may turn out to be my favourite act on the show....

1 comment:

  1. Cher was like a growling dog, Aiden was strangling a cat! Cher out! Please! I can't stand her finger and wrist flicking! Really annoying! I want Rebecca to something more up tempo to prove her versatility!