24/10/2010

The Only Way is Essex - Has my Brain been bejazzelled?

I don't quite understand why I am doing it, but I keep watching this dreadful show. I can only assume I am being compelled by a dangerous malfunction in the part of my brain that controls common sense and reason - the same one that caused me to enjoy the group song at the beginning of the X Factor tonight possibly? On the upside, I was painfully aware throughout that "The Only Way is Essex" is probably one of the worst "reality" shows ever made. Phew, the malfunction hasn't yet become life threatening....

The orange women were in abundance (could the women be any more orange? I didn't even realise that shade of orange actually existed). Everyone (apart from Mark's Nan, who I still think needs her own show) had far too few clothes on. Arg's ex-girlfriend "Lyd" who looked like a 40 year old tangerine, indicated (some may say luckily for him..) that she wasn't interested in a reconciliation. Moving completely off of script, Mean Mark was actually nice to him??? In fact, Mark's behaviour throughout the entire episode was rather strange: He didn't argue with Large Lauren when she demanded proof that his new girlfriend was old enough to be in a club; He hardly mentioned how wonderful HE thinks he is throughout the entire episode; He comforted Arg in his hour of need (though personally, I thought the hugging and kissing was taking it one step too far). I suspect he's been reading his own reviews and wisely decided to tone it down a notch..or twenty.

Kirk's (aka Dr. Jekyll) Mum who must be 50 if she's a day, is considering being bejazzelled (Jesus wept). Dr. Jekyll who initially seemed nice, is shaping up to be a misogynist lunatic. In my humble opinion, choosing an aspiring underwear model as your girlfriend seems far from sensible for someone of that ilk, but what do I know? It would certainly make the whole thing more entertaining if, as I suspect is not beyond the realms of possibility given his behaviour tonight, he chains Amy to the kitchen sink in her underwear (so he can ogle her bejazzelling) and refuses to let her top up the fake tan. No such luck I fear, next episode will be more of the same inane banter, uninteresting relationship issues, more talk of Essex fashion week (they should just stop now, no-one is going to go) and an awful lot of fake tan. I also fear that I'll be watching....

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