27/10/2010

Lookey-Likey's Left! Perhaps there is a God!!!!

Cute Jamie (who shall henceforth be referred to as Forrest Gump) kicked of the episode with possibly one of the most insightful comments we were going to hear throughout the hour that followed: “It’s a science museum. It’s either going to be something to do with science or…museums?” Oddly, it was neither of those things. The candidate were expected to select products to sell to trade buyers and in a completely unexpected move, did manage to select some reasonably sensible items. Side note: £24 for a baby grow??? I know it might save the babies life but (a) wouldn’t you have to stand over the child all night waiting for the colour to change anyway, thus defeating the object? (b) You’d be hand washing it every morning – as you’d only be able to afford one – and would leave the baby orphaned when you died from exhaustion. Personally, I wanted them to pick the Darth Vader helmet that reduced fine lines.  I am mourning the lost comedy moments that would have ensued as they tried to pitch that! It would also have come in quite handy for Lookey-Likey when she morphed into the Sith Lord at the end of the episode.  I digress, let’s return to Forrest…..

Apparently even though he professed to wanting the (£24) baby grow, particularly as there were ‘5 children in his team’ (Freudian slip in the boardroom) and they would be perfect to sell it, that wasn't actually the plan.  They didn't REALLY want it??? Forrest pointed out that even though they ‘didn’t get the baby grow…every move” he makes in his life “when it comes to business, is calculated”. Really? It wasn’t just that your team failed to impress the manufacturer? I am confused, what WAS the plan? Stuart the Brand, reverted to type and annoyed the manufacture with his interesting take on his potential pitch “if the baby reaches 39 – 40 degrees presumably it would be dead?”. Not sure mentioning dead babies whilst trying to sell a baby product would inspire confidence in potential clients, but what do I know? I bow to the superior selling skills of someone who can turn everything to "sold" by merely touching. Wait how much did he sell? Queue the fake calculator…that would be...nothing.

Lookey-Likey continued in the same vein as previous weeks and rammed her very, badly constructed pitches down the throats of various bemused buyers.  ‘We don’t sell showers” said the buyer from Debenhams. Despite that, Lookely-Likey felt people would “appreciate it” and it would “fit in  somewhere”. In the department that they would have to create to house it possibly? Yes, but “If you were ever looking to launch yourself into this market” it would be great, she insisted. “We’re not.” Snarled the visibly annoyed buyer – We felt your pain mate, she was p*ssing us all off too…
Surprisingly good performances this week from: Alex (the unemployed communications manager), who handled post pitch questioning about the baby grow brilliantly; Chris the Investment Banker, who handled his team well and although as Nick put it, “his pitching was monotonous…the content was brilliant”; Joanne, cold calling and securing interest from a huge chain, which Lookey-Likey then proceeded to lose; Liz and the record breaking sales scandal – Scandal, as there have been zero comedy moments from her since the beginning of the series and then she does this. Is she secretly a real contender? I hope not and am quietly optimistic that she won't disappoint me, the series is still young...

Verucca and friends (Paloma and Sandeesh), conspired to ensure that women will never  be perceived to be serious about business. The bickering and squabbling during the “Battle of Compton street” (Ludallenism), in front of a potential buyer was embarrassing to watch.  They are on the hit list for next week… (Nick missed the perfect opportunity to throw in a classic "Nick face", is he as fed up as we are possibly?)

Veruca and Chums at the "Battle of Compton Street"
Slim pickings on the Ludallenism front this week. It’s almost as if he thinks we watch this show to see the 16 candidates develop and a victor emerge? He needs to get back on track or we may be forced to watch “The Only Way is Essex” instead… He did throw in the “you remind me of one of those knock-off DVDs. At first glance quite convincing, but afterwards you’re just impossible to follow” put down. He threw us a bone….!!

Despite her extreme "professionality", Lookey-Likey left tonight (thank you Lord!!) Perhaps it was as a result of the lack of "manoeuvrability"?  It was all the buyers and her team mates' fault, I’m sure they will be “Karmically retributed”  (by Lookely-Likey the Sith Lord) as a result…. How have we missed Lookey-Likey speak for the last few weeks?!! To be honest, I did notice “conversate” a couple of weeks ago, but it was lost amongst the considerable ineptitude over the last few weeks. All of that said,  the right person went, we really couldn’t have been expected to suffer her presence a moment longer....

Blinded by my post firing euphoria, I made the mistake of actually watching “The Only Way is Essex" (I am my own worst enemy….) Essex fashion week finally arrived (but only lasted one evening as far as I could tell). It was, as expected, low budget and lack lustre. “I need a spray tan for this” squeaked Sam the page 3 model. “Me too” shrieked Amy (the one with aspirations to be bigger than Jordan).  The exchange took me by surprise as they appeared to be already covered in all the fake tan in the south of England.  Lots of people were “Jel’ (huh?).  There was synchronised shouting of the phrase “shut up” as Amy's cousin the token gay guy strutted down the cat walk with Large Lauren – Obviously in anticipation of his opening his mouth and saying something stupid as usual. Colin Farrell was there (apparently..very, good look a like actually) looking extremely depressed and drowning his sorrows in beer – I would have too if I’d have had to sit through that. Even Mark's Nan in hard hat, receiving the news that a booth in his new bar (Douches?) would cost £2,000 for the evening couldn't cheer me up. (Mark's Nan's best bits, she really should have her own show: http://www.itv.com/channels/itv2/itv2shows/theonlywayisessex/storysofar/19oct2010/). 

How cute is Nanny Pat?!
 I really mean it this time, I'll never watch again…

1 comment:

  1. I am sure that the whole nation breathed a huge sigh of relief at just before 10 last night! The right person went but frankly I would have also got rid of the Witches of Compton Street! It was embarrassing to watch them in action!
    The scariest thing from the whole evening was switching over to "you're fired" and seeing the change in lookey likey's style! And no longer a lookey likey! Just a strange looking female!

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